Last night was one of those 3-dollars-in-my-bank-account-until-that-check-clears, home-too-late-to-hit-the-grocery-store kind of nights so I had to make do with what was left in my cupboard. Aaaand since it’s been like this for a couple of days, I was down to the nitty-gritty. You know — the stuff that you don’t eat but you don’t throw out because it has a shelf life of 25 years? No, I didn’t finally break down and eat the can of tomato paste from Ralph’s that’s probably seven years old (why do I still have that?!?) but I wasn’t far off. Anyway, I get down to making dinner…. a dinner I am not proud of nor am I going to disclose all ingredients that went into it… and let’s just say I had a moment. No, not the moment I should have had as a 30-something year old woman who’s mixing up Kraft Macaroni and Cheese on her stovetop at ten pm. This moment happened when I realized I was out of milk. I spied my roommate’s soy/silk/lactose-free/whatever “milk” in the fridge and as I’m pouring a quarter cup of it over this gloppy pan filled with khaki-colored Del Monte canned peas and FUCKING TRAFFIC CONE ORANGE “cheese”, I look at the ecru-colored liquid tumbling over this heinous concoction, wrinkle up my nose and think, “Ew. That’s not natural.” Yes, because cheese should glow at a rave.
It all turned out pretty tasty, actually… although I do have my sodium intake covered for the next six months.