February 2012
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A Phonecall
Me: Hi Dad, I need to get a new social security card but I need yours and Mom's ss numbers.
Dad: I'm sorry, I don't give out my social security number to strangers over the phone.
Me: Well, I could give you some information about me to prove I am your daughter.
Dad: All right.
Me: Um. Well. I was allegedly conceived in Baxter State Park. In a tent.
Dad: I'll have to check with the Child Bureau in order to verify this information. (Turns to Mom in the background) Was Maureen conceived in a tent in Baxter State Park?
Mom (faintly): Uh. Yes.
Dad (back to me): Your mother doesn't remember. She was just having so much sex back then.
Mom: Did you just say that to your DAUGHTER?!?!?
Dad: Oooh, she's angry now. Do you want to talk to your mother?
Me: Well she's certainly not going to talk to you again any time soon.
532. Never turn down a breath mint.
Truth.
"Say howdy to George Carter, and thank him for... →
“
“In Rediscovered Letter From 1865, Former Slave Tells Old Master To Shove It”
January 2012
“The best people you’ll ever find in this world are the people that are already...”
– drink your juice. (via nickdouglas)
Summer! Katy!
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Watchguardian:
Video: Youtube/mathewmho
Lego man in space: one (very) small step
Two teenagers from Toronto sent a Lego man carrying a Canadian flag into the stratosphere. Mathew Ho and Asad Muhammad, both 17, attached four cameras to a balloon carrying the toy astronaut 24km above Earth. A week after launch they recovered their Lego man in a field, and discovered they had captured stunning space...
Reblog With Your Most Hated Cliché Phrases So That...
mercurypdx:
suitep:
aberjona:
6h057:
From a little known town called New York City
It is what it is.
At the end of the day.
Long story short…
Just sayin’…
TIME LORD SURVIVES HEART ATTACK IN ITALY →
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John Edwards has a life-threatening condition that... →
“…Doctors advised him to avoid travel and all court proceedings.”
Couldn’t have happened to a … guy.
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Did Mitt Romney Lie to Me? →
motherjones:
“Do you believe,” I asked, “that there is more poverty in Europe than the United States?”
Is that before or after government payments, he responded.
You can define it any way you want, I said.
“Well, I’ll have to think about that,” he said, and started to shuffle away.
But, I said (quickly), you just stated that European-style welfare creates poverty.
“No, I didn’t,” Romney...
“I’m getting letters from people who think that the neologism came first, that...”
– Dan Savage told Current TV’s Keith Olbermann.
True. A friend told me last night she thought the word came before the candidate.
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You this read wrong.